You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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