the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
