shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
