I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
