i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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