I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize