this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
