Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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