Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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