oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
