Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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