I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you never un-have a 4some
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
