Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
