Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you inspire me to be a worse person
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
