Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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