update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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