is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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