so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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