Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
