I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
