thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
