he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
