we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
