I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize