I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
