Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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