Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
