god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
