great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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