fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
