Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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