White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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