You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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