apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
