I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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