Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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