So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
