great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
