mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im holly from the hills drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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