If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
