the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
