I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
