i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
