"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
