Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
