Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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