guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
