I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
