The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize