Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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