after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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