I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
