Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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