On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
