I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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