I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
