i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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