Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
