I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
