your thong is hanging out like whoa
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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