He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His nipple licking is glorious
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