Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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