he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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