Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
