Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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