we have officially mastered the walk of shame
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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