I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Blow job season was short but glorious.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
