2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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