i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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