He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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