We won't sleep together?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
