I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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