Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
