It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
