Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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