I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
