Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize