Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
