I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
