Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
