I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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