from now on my penis is your penis
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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