Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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