we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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