i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
