well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
