And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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