well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
