Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
