hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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