no, he came in my armpit
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
