If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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