it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to make out with him forever
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
