My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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