he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize