If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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