hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
