6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
