Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
