wrigley field is MILF paradise
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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