worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
birth control should be required to get into college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
