My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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