yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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