I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i think my cat just said my name.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
